Rabbi's Blog

Erev Rosh Hashanah - 5785

This evening, I would like to begin with one of my favorite formats: group participation. I would like to take you on a journey. For many of you, this journey will travel back to your childhood. And for others, it will take you back to your early years of parenting. I'm going to recite the first few words of a popular line and hopefully all of you will complete the sentence.

• Rubber ducky, you're the one
• It's not easy being green
• Someday you'll find it the rainbow connection
• Manamena, do doo do do do

And our childhood, or early parenting, didn't only include classics from Sesame Street. I'm sure you all can complete the following, especially since I used this one a few years ago: Won't you be won't you be won't you be my neighbor.

And then there is the line that comes from one of my favorite shows as a child: There's a land that I see where the children are free.

For many of us, our formative childhood years were filled with the beautiful messages coming from shows like Sesame Street and Mr. Rogers. For others, those early years as parents meant learning about these amazing educational shows and realizing the importance of exposing our children to them. The messages and lessons were not just limited to those two shows. No, there was also Free To Be You and Me and The Electric Company plus the weirdly psychedelic show HR Puff n’ Stuff.

If we distilled the purposes of these shows down to a few phrases, we would say they all had a desire to teach: the importance of accepting the different, that individuality is beautiful, but it should not be at the expense of the other, and that while this world can be scary at times, we all are on our journeys to make this world better.  Additionally, I think all the creators strongly believed that these are seeds that should be planted at an early, formative, age.

Just take for a moment of Kermit singing, “It's not easy being green.” Here is a frog, which is a species not commonly loved. He is green, which is a color commonly associated with vegetables and things that young children don't always like. And there he is, singing, “It's not easy being green.” Rita Moreno, the great supporter of the Muppets, summed up the scene best, saying, “Children get it. They know what's being taught here.”

From Marlo Thomas to Jim Henson and all the great creators and writers of that time, they all believed in the importance of affecting future generations. They felt strongly because the violence and racism that they experienced in the early to mid-60s was something they wanted to stop. I think they all agreed with what Henson said so poignantly, “TV was perhaps the next most important influence after family and religion.” They all thought, “Let us plant the right seeds in young children’s minds, so then and only then, we will create a more just, kind, and understanding world.”

And they did it! They exposed all of us to universes filled with understanding. Worlds filled with individuals that were caring and compassionate. These worlds were filled with pairings who never thought the same. Bert and Ernie never agreed. Kermit and Piggy had very different ways of thinking. But these and others were in worlds where individuals worked through their differences.

And yet, on this Rosh Hashanah evening, as we look back at the year 5784, we see a world that is filled with more war, more hatred, and more bigotry. It is a world that is quick to accept the loudest voice as opposed to the righteous voice. 5784 saw more violence than many of us have ever seen. It is a world, where we are trapped in our thinking. We think in ones and zeroes. It is either my way or the highway. You are part of my tribe or you are out of it. While Kermit’s world included a diversity as broad as the rainbow, our world is only two toned.  

How did this world end up this way when the seeds that were sown by our great teachers were completely antithetical to the world that we see today? How is it possible that all of us watched or chose to have our children watch these shows about pluralism and the power of collaboration, and yet the world we created celebrates tribalism and the idea that if you are even understanding of the other side, then you are a traitor to your group.  

The answer, quite simply, is that the premise that Jim Henson and Fred Rogers had about their work and its impact … was wrong. They believed that TV was the next most important influencer on our identities after family and religion. Now, we know through social psychology, TV and technology don't even make the top three. Especially during our formative years; our peers, our school environment, our parents, and our community, are the main things that affect us and help us form our values. This means that all of us, from David Duke to President Barack Obama, can grow up watching Sesame Street and internalize the messages found within it. But, all of it matters for nothing if those messages are not mirrored by our peers, by our parents, and also by our community. All of those wonderful messages about diversity and understanding are eclipsed by messages of selfishness and bigotry, if those views are what we are exposed to at home and with our friends, as we age. Many people might refer to this as cognitive dissidence. Personally, I do not think there is much dissidence if a young person is only exposed to closed-mindedness. Put simply, Kermit is silenced by the Klan.

And yet, all is not lost. The messages of our modern great teachers should not be tossed away, because their messages were, and are, true and powerful. Henson and Rodgers just failed to think that TV was going to be enough. If we truly believe in the “acceptance of the other” and the importance of working to develop a more righteous and kind society, then we must strive to impact the true influencers: the self, the family and the community.

If we are going to free ourselves from the tribalism which enslaves our thoughts; If we are honest about pushing back against closed mindedness and binary thinking; If we are going to combat racism and bigotry; we need to start with ourselves. We need to accept that we do wander in silos which support our own thinking. Yet, we can push ourselves to learn about other perspectives. And most importantly, it’s ok if those perspectives don’t agree.

The next step is to teach this in our families. We need to be brave enough to have the conversations about race and gender, Israel and the Palestinians, and personal gain at the expense of others. We need to be brave enough to have the conversations about all of the hard topics with our families. We need to talk about them and teach the Reform Jewish values (and the Sesame Street values) of open-mindedness and the power of working through differences. We need to talk about these values with our children and our grandchildren. It is not enough for them to see these good and powerful messages on television or in their social media feeds. We need to speak up and guide them. At our dinner tables and at our breakfast tables, we need to be comfortable enough to say, “Chanting ‘From the River to the Sea’ is antisemitic and yet, chanting ‘Death to the Arabs’ is anti-Muslim and anti-Arab.” And perhaps, most important in that conversation with our children and adult children is: holding these 2 thoughts at the same time does not make you an Antisemite or an Arab Killer. It makes you someone who recognizes the complexity of our reality. --- Bert and Ernie rarely agreed.  Yet, they were always able to accept each other’s differences, even if Ernie got on Bert’s nerves, A LOT.  

These honest conversations with our families are just one-step, but they are essential for keeping the next generation on track. Still, the harder pathway is making sure that we speak up in our peer groups. In a world where there is so much anxiety and tension, I truly understand how easy it is to hear an unkind slur and just let it go. I even understand how hard it is to let an antisemitic comment slide, when we are at work. But if we don't speak up against these simple statements in our peer groups and work communities, then we clearly know why the world is not the dreams of our youth.  It is our responsibility to step up and speak up against unjust and unkind behavior. If we don't, who will?

After the passing of Jim Henson, his son said, “My father wanted to instill in everything that if we all loved each other for our differences and not our similarities, there would be no war.” While this seems a little naïve, I do believe in its power. Imagine if we focused less on our similarities and celebrated our differences. Imagine if, in the year 5785, we personally accepted our responsibility to free our minds from the chains of binary thinking and tribalism. Then, we committed to sharing that freedom of mind with our families throughout this coming year. And finally, that commitment gave us the strength to speak up and add an alternative voice at work and our other broader communities.  Imagine if we made 5785 a little less like 5784, and we nurtured those seeds that were planted by our great teachers of our youth. Perhaps, then, we would build a world for “… the lovers, the dreamers, and me.”

May it be God’s will. Amein